


Left to Him

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-28
Updated: 2003-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian doesn't give up quite so easily when Jennifer demands he stop seeing Justin at the end of 201.





	Left to Him

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Never in a million years had Brian ever thought to find himself in this situation. That he would ever need to. But he was still there, sitting on the porch in front of Justin’s home, watching as the teen struggled to do something as simple as toss him a tennis ball. Brian kept his anger in check, wanting only to help Justin regain the use of his right hand, something that he knew the artist was desperate for. 

“I knew they’d let him go,” Justin announced as he awkwardly caught the ball Brian had lobbed at him. “They don’t care about us. They want us all dead.” 

Squelching down his own emotions, Brian caught the brightly coloured ball Justin tossed at him.. “Look, don’t think about it. Just focus on what you’re doing.” 

“Shit....” At the teen’s muttered outburst, Brian watched as Justin shook his weak right hand. “Fuck.” 

Brian kept his eyes focused on Justin’s hand, feeling helpless as the teen stretched aching limb. “Come on, you can do it.” 

Justin let out a frustrated sigh. “I can’t.” 

“Yes. You can.” 

The conflict was entirely visible on Justin’s face. Brian didn’t even want to envision himself being in Justin’s predicament. It was hard enough for him to not be in charge of a situation let alone losing control of his own body. Justin was more than entitled to his frustration. Had it been him, Brian was sure that he would have been a great deal more angry than Justin was. He would have been furious and frustrated and taken it out on everyone around him. And somehow Justin wasn’t doing that. 

He simply gripped the ball and tossed it back at him. 

“Hey! That one was good, Justin!” Daphne cheered, reminding Brian of her presence. Brian had been so focused on Justin that he had completely forgotten about the young woman sitting on the step below him. 

Brian’s attention was further diverted as a car pulled into the drive. Without even looking he knew who was in the driver’s seat. Jennifer Taylor, the woman who, unconsciously or not, blamed him for what had happened to Justin. She hadn’t said the words, but every time she looked at him, Brian could see the blame in her eyes. 

Justin’s response brought an automatic smile to Brian’s lips and made him forget all about Jennifer’s imminent arrival. “Daphne, you’re so full of shit.” 

The trio watched as Jennifer climbed out of her car and made her way to where they sat on the porch. Brian sat completely still, clutching the green and pink tennis ball in his hand. He wasn’t surprised in the least when Jennifer greeted everyone but him. So he called her on it. 

“Hello, Mrs. Taylor.” 

For the first time, Jennifer looked directly at him. “Hello, Brian.” 

Squinting against the sunlight, Brian returned her gaze. “We were just tossing the ball.” 

Before the words were even out of his mouth, Jennifer had already turned her attention to her son. “I think you should rest now.” 

“I’m not tired,” Justin told her. Like Brian, he seemed to know that Jennifer was attempting to separate them once again. 

“I’d like to speak to Brian,” Jennifer said in way of explanation. 

Brian had expected as much from the woman and nodded his head briefly in Justin’s direction. He did care what Jennifer thought about Justin seeking his permission before heading into the house with Daphne, nor did he really care. 

Jennifer cared, though, and it became very obvious as she stormed past Brian and onto the porch. 

Standing up slowly, Brian turned to face her. He stood silently, waiting for her to speak first. After all, she was the one who wanted to talk to him and, from the expression on her face, Brian could tell that he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. So he prepared himself, waiting for Jennifer to say something to him. What she did say wasn’t what Brian had expected. 

“The day the doctor sent him home from the hospital he said he’d never seen such a determined patient and asked me what it was that made him work so hard....” 

In his mind’s eye, Brian found himself back at the hospital, watching, night after night, as Justin tossed and turned on the bed. 

“I knew, but I didn’t tell him....” 

More than once, Brian heard his own name whispered from lips that he had kissed more times that he could count and remembered his heart rejoicing each time he heard it. 

“It was you,” Jennifer said, confirming what Brian already suspected. “Every day that you didn’t come to see him was more incentive for him to get better and get out so that he could come and see you.” 

Brian glanced down at the tennis ball that he still held in his hands. He knew that he was guilty of what Jennifer was accusing him of, though not for the reasons she most likely presumed. He hadn’t stayed away because he hadn’t cared, but because there had honestly been nothing that he could do for the teen. His being there wouldn’t make Justin get better faster. He couldn’t wave his hands and magically make the artist whole again. So instead Brian had allowed his guilt to rule him and had stayed away from Justin until Justin came looking for him. 

“Of course what Justin didn’t know and I didn’t tell him was that you were there. Every night.” 

Brian looked over at her sharply, quite startled by the information she held over him. 

“The nurse on duty told me,” Jennifer said in way of explanation. “I want to thank you for that. But he’s home now safe and sound so there’s no reason anymore for you to watch over him any more so.... So I would like you to leave. And never see him again.” 

Doing his best not to react, Brian looked everywhere but directly at Jennifer until he was absolutely sure that he would remain calm. “I care about him.” 

“But it was because of you that he was almost killed.” 

At that pronouncement, it was all that Brian could do to keep his temper in check. He would not be blamed for what had happened to Justin. It wasn’t his fault. The teen had absolved him of his guilt and Brian was determined to not be sucked down by it again. Even knowing that Justin didn’t blame him for what had happened, Brian would still have to live with the fact that he hadn’t been fast enough. That he had been too slow to save Justin from Chris Hobbs’ bat. 

It was Jennifer’s voice that pulled him back to the present. “Forgive me for being so blunt. I’ve tried to accept who he is. To accept your world and that he’s a part of it. I’ve even tried to accept you and as a result I nearly lost him. And I don’t intend to lose him again so if you care about him...,” Here, Jennifer stumbled, her cool exterior cracking, “... and I believe... I believe you do, you’ll do what I ask and return my son to me.” 

Pushing aside his own feelings, Brian started to hand the tennis ball over to Jennifer. He was going to give her back her son. She was right, after all. He was the reason that Justin had been hurt. Jennifer was simply the first person to have said it to his face. The others had been so cautious to avoid placing the blame on his shoulders where Brian knew it rightfully belonged. 

Still, Brian’s hand stopped in mid-motion, the ball hovering between him and Jennifer. 

“No,” Brian said softly, squeezing his fingers tighter around the tennis ball and pulling it back to his body. “You can’t have him back.” 

Jennifer stared at him in disbelief. “What did you say?” 

“I said that you can’t have him back,” Brian repeated, this time with greater confidence. “I’m not going to lose him a second time. I won’t.” 

“Well, it’s not really your choice, is it?” Jennifer hissed, angry that things weren’t going her way. 

Brian smiled ruefully, scrubbing his free hand over his face. “You’re right. It’s not,” he conceded, dropping his hand. “It’s Justin’s. And he’s the one that came looking for me. I would have stayed away, but he came for me and now I don’t think I can give him up again.” 

“He’s my baby and I won’t lose him,” Jennifer protested, reaching again for the tennis ball which Brian refused to relinquish. “So I’m asking you, as his mother, to give him back to me before you get him killed.” 

At that moment something in Brian snapped. The only person who had the right to blame him was Justin. Not by someone who hadn’t even been there and had no idea what had happened. Not by an over protective mother who was looking for someone to blame since Justin’s actual assailant. It was Justin that mattered and the teen didn’t blame him. 

“It wasn’t my fucking fault!” Brian roared, launching the brightly coloured ball at the front of the house. “You think I told that bastard to bash Justin over the head with a fucking baseball bat?! Fuck you! Every single second since it happened I’ve been wishing that we could have traded places! I would rather take a bat to the head myself then let Justin get hurt like that! Instead, I had to watch. I had to see it happen and I had to ear it,” Brian’s voice got very low an menacing at that. “And I have to live with the fact that I wasn’t fast enough. I saw it all too late and couldn’t get there fast enough to stop it. I had to hold him and see the blood pouring out of his head and know that there was nothing I could do to stop it. Those memories will never leave me so don’t you dare tell me that I’m the one that did this to him.” 

Jennifer was silent for a long time after that. Her face was deathly pale and Brian was pretty sure that he could see her shaking. But he could have cared less. Jennifer Taylor was playing the vindictive mother when she had no right. She might have heard what had happened in that parking garage, but she hadn’t been there. She wasn’t the one who had to live through it then and she sure as hell wasn’t the one who saw it replayed in her mind every time that she shut her eyes. 

“He’s my son,” Jennifer lamented pitifully. 

“And he’s the most important person in my world,” Brian ground out. 

The two lapsed into an uneasy silence then. Brian was fuming, silently seething as he felt his anger for Justin’s mother grow by the moment. She had no right to try and take Justin away from him. He refused to give the teen up. Brian had allowed too many of his defensive walls to be broken down by the young artist to let him out of his life so easily. Justin was his, for better or for worse, just as surely as he was Justin’s. 

Brian was startled out of his thoughts by the feel of a hand softly moving up his arm. Swiveling his head, Brian instantly found his eyes locked on Justin’s intense blue ones. He stared intently at the younger man’s face, memorizing each and every line. 

At the same time, seeing Justin so fragile and vulnerable made Brian realize that he would likely never again have the Justin who had followed him so relentlessly all those months ago. And that despite his protests, he would never see the young artist again after this day. It was inevitable. Brian knew that he wasn’t allowed to be happy. Every time that he felt happy or content, something came and snatched it away from him. 

The same way that Justin was being taken away from him for the second time in just over a month. 

Feeling Justin’s thumbs brushing over his cheeks, Brian realized for the first time that he was crying. He hadn’t felt the tears come, but the evidence was there on Justin’s damp thumbs. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Justin whispered, attempting to smile but failing miserably. “I’m not leaving you ever.” 

Brian lowered his head so that his forehead was resting against Justin’s and squeezed his eyes shut. As he brushed his nose against the blonde’s, he could feel the other man’s breath hot against his skin and had to fight to keep his sobs contained. “It’s for the best, Justin. In the end it’s for the best.” 

Justin shook his head fervently, his left hand clutching at Brian’s upper arm, his right resting against the older man’s hip. “It can’t ever be a good thing. I won’t do it.” 

“Justin....” 

“No, Mom, I won’t do it,” Justin responded without moving away from Brian. “I want to be where Brian is and you can’t stop me.” 

“It’s for your own good, Justin,” Jennifer protested weakly. “It’s to keep you safe.” 

“How can keeping me away from the person I love be for my own good?” Justin demanded, whirling around to face his mother. Reluctantly opening his eyes, Brian inched forward so that he could pull Justin flush against his chest, his chin resting atop the artist’s bright head. “Brian is the reason that I’m still alive. He kept me safe.” 

Jennifer’s eyes went wide. “Safe?” she cried incredulously. “He almost got you killed and then he didn’t even have the decency to come see you in the hospital.” 

“I was there every goddamned night and you know it,” Brian growled, unconsciously tightening his grip on Justin’s waist. 

It shouldn’t have surprised him that Jennifer was fighting dirty, manipulating what both she and Brian knew to be the truth. Had he been in her place, and it was Gus that had been hurt like Justin had, Brian honestly didn’t know how he would react. He’d like to think that he wouldn’t blame the person who had tried to keep Gus safe. That he’d be relieved Gus was still alive and do whatever he could to help him recover. 

“Did he ever see you?” 

The fight was once against temporarily knocked out of Brian. He hadn’t wanted Justin to find out about his nocturnal visits. He had wanted to stay away completely, but was too weak to give up the teen for good. Brian had felt incredibly guilty about what had happened to Justin and knew that he did not deserve to have the younger man care about him so he had only come at night so that Justin wouldn’t see him. 

Justin was the one to break the uneasy silence that had fallen once again. “It doesn’t matter whether I saw him or not, Mom, I could still feel him. I knew that Brian was there.” 

That, like so much else, caught Brian unawares. Brian had been so sure that Justin wouldn’t know that he was there. The nurses had told him that Justin could possibly hear him, even in his coma, so Brian had stayed on the outside. The closest he had come to Justin was the observation window that looked into his room. 

“He’s only going to get you hurt. Look at everything that’s happened to you since you met him. You’ll be better off without him in your life,” Jennifer tried to reason with her son. 

“No, Mom, you’ll be better off,” Justin told her bluntly. “I’m not a kid anymore. You’ve got to understand that you can’t control my life any longer. I want Brian to be a part of my life. I love him and I’m not going to give him up.” 

It was obvious that Justin’s words were the last thing that Jennifer wanted to hear. Still, she wasn’t about to go down yet. 

“Does he love you?” she asked her teenage son. 

Brian was prevented from answering for the moment as Justin swayed precariously and fell back against the ad exec’s chest. Ignoring Jennifer completely, Brian held Justin safe against him, peering over the younger man’s shoulder to try and get a view of his face. 

“Are you all right?” Brian murmured in his ear. 

Justin’s eyes had fallen shut and from the firm lines on his face, Brian could tell that he was hurting. Which was why Brian didn’t believe his mumbled, “fine,” in the least. Turning Justin carefully so that he could see his face clearly, Brian held him with one arm around his waist, cupping the back of his head with the other. The dark-haired man couldn’t prevent the smile the appeared on his face when he saw that Justin’s eyes were opened slightly. 

“You’re not fine,” Brian told him, his fingers idly playing with the short strands of hair at the nape of Justin’s neck. 

The blonde attempted a smile, one that was very crooked. “It’s really not that bad, Brian. Honest. My head just got a little spinny.” 

“Here, give him these,” Jennifer said, appearing suddenly at Brian’s side. 

Glancing away from Justin for a moment, he picked the proffered pills. Brian could tell from the way the teen was gripping his arms that he wasn’t going to let go anytime soon which meant that Brian would have to improvise in order to get Justin to take them. A tactic which the ad exec had absolutely no problem developing. 

Popping the pair of pink pills in his mouth, Brian curled his tongue around them and leaned his face into Justin’s. He caught sight of Justin’s grin seconds before he swooped down and captured the teen’s lips with his own. He could sense Justin’s grin as the younger man opened his mouth to accept the pills. As they kissed, Brian pushed his tongue, and the pills along with it, into Justin’s waiting mouth. The kiss did not end once the pink caplets were safely contained in Justin’s warm mouth. Neither man was ready to relinquish the other’s lips. There was nothing actually sexual about the kiss. He knew that Justin wasn’t ready for that yet. So instead Brian kept the kiss soft and light, even if it involved their tongues. 

“You’re going to have to drink the water the old fashioned way,” Brian murmured as he pulled away. With a tender smile, Brian took the bottle of water Jennifer was holding and held it up to Justin’s mouth. 

Justin let out a tiny sigh as he finished his mouthful of water and leaned his forehead against Brian’s chest. “Can you be around every time I have to take my meds?” 

“No, Justin, because you’re not going to see him against after this,” Jennifer informed her son, completely pulverizing the tranquil moment. 

Brian clenched his jaw, barely able to keep his anger in check. Instead he held Justin against him, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I’ll do what Justin tells me to. It’s his decision to make.” 

“I want him to stay, Mom,” Justin mumbled, turning his head and blinking owlishly at Jennifer. 

The realtor shook her head. “I’m sorry, Justin, but he can’t. He’s going to have to go back to his own life.” 

“Well either he stays or I go with him,” Justin said, his voice deadly calm. 

Even Brian was startled by the seriousness in Justin’s voice. He didn’t react outwardly, though. Brian simply held him about the waist, waiting for Jennifer’s decision. 

“I don’t want him in my home,” Jennifer said at last. Brian tensed, ready to take Justin back to the loft when she continued. “But if that’s what it takes to get you to stay home I’ll let him come inside.” 

Though he would have preferred to take Justin back to the loft where the two of them could be alone, Brian was prepared to stay at Jennifer Taylor’s home if it meant he could be close to Justin. After coming so close to losing him, Brian was willing to do just about anything so long as it meant he still had Justin. Even put up with a woman who didn’t hide the fact that she didn’t approve of him. 

“I’m gonna go back to Brian’s.” 

Jennifer’s eyes widened in shock. Like Brian, she had not expected Justin to say that. Brian had fully expected to spend the day sprawled out on the young artist’s bed in his mother’s home. It wasn’t necessarily how he wanted to spend his day, but he would do it if it was what Justin wanted. 

“Justin, this is your home,” Jennifer said, her voice betraying her shock. 

Justin turned his body and leaned against Brian’s chest, his hands resting overtop of the ad exec’s which were clasped over his stomach. “But it’s not anymore. I feel safer with Brian, in his loft. It feels more like home than this place does. It’s where I want to be.” 

The turmoil was very present on Jennifer’s face. It was obvious to both Brian and Justin that she didn’t want him to leave the Jeep. However that was exactly what was going to happen. Justin had made his decision and Brian was going to make sure that Jennifer abided by it. 

“You’d better take care of him, Brian,” Jennifer said softly, her eyes shining brightly with unshed tears. “I don’t want him hurt again.” 

Brian wanted to be offended, but he knew that he couldn’t be. Not when Jennifer was letting her son go because that was what he wanted. Brian wasn’t sure that he would be able to do that if it was Gus that had been hurt. But Jennifer had and Brian respected her for that. 

“I’ll keep him safe,” Brian promised the mother. 

Jennifer nodded her head sadly, handing Brian the bottle of pills before turning back towards the house. She disappeared inside, passing by Daphne who had been standing just outside the door during the entire exchange. 

“I’ll call you later, Daph,” Justin told his friend, giving Brian’s hand a quick squeeze. 

Daphne’s smile seemed almost hesitant. “Sure, Justin.” 

Then she disappeared inside and the two men were left alone in the front yard. Slowly, Justin rotated in Brian’s arms, sliding his own arms about the older man’s waist. Neither of them said a word, content in the silence. It was several minutes before either of them moved and then it was Brian who pulled back first. 

“How’s your head?” the ad exec murmured, his hand rising to cup the side of Justin’s face. 

Justin automatically leaned his face into Brian’s palm, seeking comfort which the taller man was surprised to find himself willing to give. “It’s been better. Can we go back to the loft now? The magical pink pills are gonna knock me out soon.” 

Holding Justin against him, Brian led the teen over to where he had parked his Jeep. Having thought that he would be leaving on his own, Brian was incredibly grateful that the younger man was coming with him. As much as he had wanted the young artist out of his life in the beginning, that wasn’t the case any longer. Over the past month, the spacious loft had seemed so empty. It had never been that way before. Brian had always been at home in his loft, but during Justin’s long absence, Brian had often found himself going stir crazy, imagining that he heard or saw the teen when, in reality, he was alone. 

Half an hour later, as he held a slumbering Justin in his arms, Brian finally allowed himself to relax. He sank into the mattress, his eyes trained on the younger man’s face as he allowed sleep to claim him as well. 

Justin moaned softly, snuggling deeper against Brian’s side. 

Brushing a kiss against Justin’s forehead, very close to the jagged scar that had nearly taken the young man from him, Brian joined him in sleep.


End file.
